My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
