Can i not drive my cunt home
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
