I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
