So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
