i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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