Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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