Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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