Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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