Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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