it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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