Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
