Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
