i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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