so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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