Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
