I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
