we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
