Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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