I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize