In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
