dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
