I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
