Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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