You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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