Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Less talking, more tequila
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
