My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
