I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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