So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
