Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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