The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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