Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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