do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
