For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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