How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
