can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
