i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
