I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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