I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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