The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
