I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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