textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
