I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
