420 ftw
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
