I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
