yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
