So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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