god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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