Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
