I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
