I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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