And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the night ended with taco bell and tears
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
