Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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