I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
