the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
