why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
