After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish i was in the wii world.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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