Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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