I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
