the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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